Haunted (OS)

[WoRdLoVer]

Haha. Kay

[Magith1]

Such amazing work! It's not often I find a story that really draws my attention like this! Some suggestions would be to fix some spelling and grammatical errors, such as "I am you're maid" should be "I am your maid." Another problem was with the way you explained the car accident. The way it was explained, I had to assume what was going on. But otherwise, GREAT JOB!

[McKennaR]

Thank you I'll definetly keep an eye out for those things; though some do let slip.

[McKennaR]

.-don't kill me for being so late-
I really tried to get it out, but recently I got obsessed with Sweeney Todd, and you never (at least for me) want to write another story when you're brain is obsessed with another. I scraped three chapters before deciding to sit it out and wait for ideas to come.
So, anyway, thanks so much for the feedback. They make me happy
Without further of due, Chapter 2~
Chapter 2

Chapter 2:
Rose whirled around, her dress swooshing around her ankles. She immediately identified the voice; a man with black hair covering his eyes. She was appalled, at first, by the lack of a left cheek, instead replaced by a white bone. She stood up taller, trying to show the man that she was not intimidated by his skeletal apparel.
He smirked in response, then touched the bone with ease. "Yes, you'll get used to the missing limbs here soon."
"Where exactly is 'here'?" She responded, looking towards the window again.
"I believe Abigail has informed you that it is the Underworld."
"Yes." She said, prying her eyes from the window. "Who are you? And why did you call me princess?" She spoke. She took an opportunity to study him. He had to be at least 30 years old, and much to Rose's relief, did not have the quality of see-through like Abigail.
"Jonas." He said, extending a hand. She shook it, after a moment's hesitation. "Before I can explain anything, you must believe this is real. It'll be much easier to get over this ordeal if you are not in denial."
Rose nodded, though she had no intention to give up the idea of it being a dream.
"You see this castle we are standing on currently had four founders; a king, queen, prince and princess. The king and queen ruled magnificently. The prince and princess were the fillers for them; should disaster strike they would take the place. Eventually, it grew to be that they were all rulers; irreplaceable." Rose listened, a bit anxious for answers, yet eager to hear a new tale. "Unfortunately, the queen, prince and princess are no more. But, we have gained a new princess to day."
He looked at her. "That is you Rose, new princess of the Underworld."
Rose peered at him, her mind spinning. "How-how do you know I'm the princess? I've never been here in my life! And, you, are you the king?"
Jonas chuckled. "You are correct; seeing as no-one has been here in their 'life'. And yes I am the king." He paused. "It is not..."
"...your place. But then who's is it?" She spoke, frustrated with the secrets being hidden from her.
"Actually I was going to say it is not the time to tell you that, not yet. But you are the princess."
"And the queen and prince? They were ghosts, how can they die?"
He smiled, almost mischievous. There was something in that smile... "I never said they died."
"Then what happened to them?" His smile faded.
"I cannot answer that," He got up from the couch he had planted himself on, and moved towards the door. "It has been a pleasure meeting you. In the meantime, I know this is alot to comprehend; so feel free to move around the castle. You are not a prisoner, Rose. We also have a library, if you are interested." He said, winking, before he shut the door.
Rose sat down, digesting the few bits of information given to her. She must of sat there for awhile, staring at the window, thinking.
She reviewed everything she had learned.
I'm a ghost-I think. At least, I'm not alive.
She examined herself, by eye since the room contained no mirrors. Much to her relief there was no missing limbs, at least not to her notice. Her hair had gone duller, changing from a rich, chocolate color to a dark, dull brownish-black. Her skin was becoming paler, turning white. She wondered what her appearance would look like now, should there be a mirror.
I'm in the underworld-not 'that' underworld, but an underworld beneath the ground where ghosts live.
She looked back out the window, catching glimpses of rather scary-looking people. Some with skin as grey as early dawn. She wondered if that would happen to her over time.
I'm a princess, now a part of the four founders of this world. Two of them aren't dead, but aren't here-what ever that means


She got up, and paced around the room. She turned towards the large window again, sucking in the detail of the town. It was dull, but not in the way of Oneida. The colors where darker; dark blue, black, grey, and purple, mixed in like a pit. But for the most part it seemed rather; lively.
I'll have to tell Anthony this
Anthony. It hit her all of a sudden. Oneida; the town had, guiltily, slipped her mind as she had thought of the current situation. The town she so longingly wanted to leave was one reason to hold on to the hope that this was a dream. Because if it wasn't, then she would never be able to see her mother or father, nor Anthony, nor the world above any more. And that was reason enough to be in denial.
She shut the curtain, and glanced towards the door. With a moment hesitations, she unlocked the knob and slipped out. She might as well explore this odd world well it lasted.
Ah, filler chapters. Don't you just love them? Don't worry, these explanations will all calm down soon enough and the real story will began to take pace (we're not there yet!)
I hope you liked it! I know this keeps getting weirder and weirder, but I hope you stick with it! And if you didn't, please explain why. Suggestions and constructive criticism are welcome as well(:

[WoRdLoVer]

I hope you liked it! I know this keeps getting weirder and weirder, but I hope you stick with it!

Its alright! I love weird stories!

[McKennaR]

Glad I'm not the only one!

[Magith1]

Your writing only gets better and better!

[McKennaR]

-hides-
Okay, I'm so mega enormous late. But it's just that I've been immensely busy with lice, school, music, and just a bunch of other things. Plus, I'm a major procrastinator.
Anyway, this chapters mostly filler (seems like there's alot of them, aren't there?). To make up for my lateness, the next chapter I shall be super speedy with and try and get it out in a few days!
Enjoy!
Chapter Three
To say the castle was merely a mansion would be an under-statement. It was like a magnificent tree; branches stemming into thousands of doors and halls. Each one held a different tone and theme. Rose had come across a hallway with royal blue, another with pure gold, and another staying true to the gothic structure Rose had imagined a castle would like with silver knight suits prodded like trophies.
Rose was utterly taken by the world. More then a few times she had to remind herself what she was looking for; an exit.
Most of the doors were locked, though a few led to giant rooms. She had stumbled across a bedroom (painted golden and un-used), a dining room, and a trophy room (she assumed) filled with dark-toned seats and hanging swords. As time passed on she grew anxious for the light and outside, and annoyed with the palace. What was the point of all these hall and doors? She wondered how easy it would be to take a wrong turn and be lost forever.
When she was on the verge of breaking down the next door she encountered, she ran into someone.
"Ma'am!" The voice exclaimed; Abigail.
"Rose." She corrected, still uncomfortable over being called ma'am.
"Rose," The maid corrected. "What are you doing over your bedroom?"
"Jonas said I could look around..." She began. The maid gasped.
"King Jonas? D-did he tell you?"
"Tell me whay?" Rose asked, the she understood. " That I'm a princess?"
Abigail shook her head, almost mournfully. "Your still too alive to be faced with such things. Why don't you go back to your bedroom?"
If I could find it, Rose thought. "Actually, I was thinking of going outside. But I can't seem to find my way around here."
Abigail pursed her lips, as if debating something. "I don't know....Did the king mention a certain thing?"
Rose raised an eyebrow. She was about to say 'What things?' when it occurred to her that if she did she'd be led straight back to her bedroom. So instead, she nodded.
Abigail sighed, and with a slight disapproving shake of her head she spoke. "I suppose it couldn't do much harm...Just avoid most people okay?"
Rose gave a nod, wondering how it mattered. Abigail flipped around, and continued down the vast hallway. She followed after her.
She seemed to have mesmerized the castle by heart, leaving Rose bewildered. She turned, went up staircases and door with ease, as though the castle was no more then a mere sidewalk.
Finally, Abigail stopped at a large door. It was a deep shade of purple and had engravings hidden in its steel border. Before she could stop and examine the detailed craftsmanship, Abigail had unlocked the door with a large cling, unlocking the outside.
Abigail turned to leave but then added something hesitantly. "Be careful, Ma'am."
Then she left, with no explanation leaving Roe staring at the now unlocked world.
What's the world going to be like? What did Abigail mean?
All's to be revealed in Chapter 4! (I feel like a tv show narrator xD) Which should be out soon.
I hope you don't want to strangle me for being so late, and tell me what you think!(:

[Magith1]

-hides-
Okay, I'm so mega enormous late. But it's just that I've been immensely busy with lice, school, music, and just a bunch of other things. Plus, I'm a major procrastinator.
Anyway, this chapters mostly filler (seems like there's alot of them, aren't there?). To make up for my lateness, the next chapter I shall be super speedy with and try and get it out in a few days!
Enjoy!
Chapter Three
To say the castle was merely a mansion would be an under-statement. It was like a magnificent tree; branches stemming into thousands of doors and halls. Each one held a different tone and theme. Rose had come across a hallway with royal blue, another with pure gold, and another staying true to the gothic structure Rose had imagined a castle would like with silver knight suits prodded like trophies.
Rose was utterly taken by the world. More then a few times she had to remind herself what she was looking for; an exit.
Most of the doors were locked, though a few led to giant rooms. She had stumbled across a bedroom (painted golden and un-used), a dining room, and a trophy room (she assumed) filled with dark-toned seats and hanging swords. As time passed on she grew anxious for the light and outside, and annoyed with the palace. What was the point of all these hall and doors? She wondered how easy it would be to take a wrong turn and be lost forever.
When she was on the verge of breaking down the next door she encountered, she ran into someone.
"Ma'am!" The voice exclaimed; Abigail.
"Rose." She corrected, still uncomfortable over being called ma'am.
"Rose," The maid corrected. "What are you doing over your bedroom?"
"Jonas said I could look around..." She began. The maid gasped.
"King Jonas? D-did he tell you?"
"Tell me whay?" Rose asked, the she understood. " That I'm a princess?"
Abigail shook her head, almost mournfully. "Your still too alive to be faced with such things. Why don't you go back to your bedroom?"
If I could find it, Rose thought. "Actually, I was thinking of going outside. But I can't seem to find my way around here."
Abigail pursed her lips, as if debating something. "I don't know....Did the king mention a certain thing?"
Rose raised an eyebrow. She was about to say 'What things?' when it occurred to her that if she did she'd be led straight back to her bedroom. So instead, she nodded.
Abigail sighed, and with a slight disapproving shake of her head she spoke. "I suppose it couldn't do much harm...Just avoid most people okay?"
Rose gave a nod, wondering how it mattered. Abigail flipped around, and continued down the vast hallway. She followed after her.
She seemed to have mesmerized the castle by heart, leaving Rose bewildered. She turned, went up staircases and door with ease, as though the castle was no more then a mere sidewalk.
Finally, Abigail stopped at a large door. It was a deep shade of purple and had engravings hidden in its steel border. Before she could stop and examine the detailed craftsmanship, Abigail had unlocked the door with a large cling, unlocking the outside.
Abigail turned to leave but then added something hesitantly. "Be careful, Ma'am."
Then she left, with no explanation leaving Roe staring at the now unlocked world.
What's the world going to be like? What did Abigail mean?
All's to be revealed in Chapter 4! (I feel like a tv show narrator xD) Which should be out soon.
I hope you don't want to strangle me for being so late, and tell me what you think!(:

Pretty entertaining. Might want to fix some of those errors, though ("Your still far too alive" should be "You're still far too alive" and some other things). Maybe look it over a few times before posting next time. Otherwise, pretty good.